One thing Jenifer Lewis won’t do? Steer you wrong.

In this 2019 Breakfast Club interview, Jenifer shares her Aquarian wisdom on how we find our truest identity by observing who and what surrounds us. Though I feel she stated this perfectly, we’re going to get into the spiritual depths of this message and why it matters so much in our spiritual journeys. 

Disclaimer: This article covers topics of self-reflection, accountability, and choices. In no way does this article intend to incite victim-blaming, shame, or any of the like. Only perspective and insight. 

Look in the Mirror.

Self-reflection is fundamental as well as foundational for many spiritual practices. One thing spirituality (at least in my practices) does is force you to take a long look in the mirror. That mirror reveals every part of our being, including those we like to think we can hide from. You can look away and pretend it’s not there, or you can stare that (insert expletive) down and face your truth. 

That mirror calls for you to no longer leave your circumstances up to chance, or determine if you were ‘obedient’ enough to earn the good. It’s reflecting back to you exactly who you are, and puts you back in your own driver’s seat for your life. Back in control of the areas of your life that you’re capable of changing. 

What Reflects Back to You?

I find a lot of parallels here with people who literally never look at themselves in mirrors whether it’s from disinterest, detachment, insecurities, or shame. If we won’t take a few minutes of self devotion and reflection, we end up carrying that same energy into our connection to self. Everything is spiritual. 

In Jenifer’s statement, the mirror she’s referring to is the reality of our lived experience by way of our choices. She’s asking us specifically about friends because they’re who we choose to surrounds ourselves with. Choices we have control over. The very choice, itself. 

Normally, we choose friends who share the similar values and belief systems to our own. However, there are times we choose to surround ourselves with people who enable whatever narratives keep us warm at night. They can be enablers who only have interest in experiencing you at their capacity instead of the fullness of you. Granted, the depth of friendships can vary and doesn’t make any version of that depth less valid. But, does your choice of friends reflect how you treat yourself? If so, it makes perfect sense to look to them to reflect our truths back to us. 

Remember, mirrors can only reflect what it perceives. It can’t show us what isn’t there, including every ‘hope’ and ‘wish’ unaccompanied by our follow through. This is what spirituality teaches us. 

We can want different all day long, but our reflection can never lie about the reality of our roles in our own circumstances. 

Give Grace Where It’s Due.

If you’re anything like me, I was my own biggest opp for the longest. I left Abrahamic religion with the same mindset that left me broken and feeling unworthy of any good that came my way. It was admirable to suffer. So, in the name of spirituality, my self-reflections carried this same tune. Nobody is ever as hard on me as I grew up being to myself.

The suffering we choose breeds more suffering. It says to the universe, “if she believes the only way she can succeed is through suffering and hardship, we’ll oblige.” 

I share this to show that we have to give ourselves grace for doing the best we could with the cards we’re dealt. Self-reflection should be approached with grace, not a firm hand. Imagine your inner child in that reflection and give your present self the same tenderness they needed in the past and didn’t receive. Grace seeks to do no harm.

What Spirit is asking of us is to no longer feel shame for any version of us who did the best they could with what we had. When the wounds of our unfavorable circumstances surface, we don’t continue beating the shit out of it in the name of healing. It requires a special level of nurture and care within ourselves so the medicine Spirit brings can hold. But only when we can be honest that the wound itself exists, and that it’s hurting us. Don’t think it affects you? Let your mirror be the judge.

Here’s the Medicine.

With Chiron moving from Aries to Taurus in June (as well as Taurus season approaching at the time I write this), we are being called to reevaluate and reestablish our personal values. The message of this article calls us inward, to reflect on where we’ve placed our value throughout the years. In this exercise, you’ll lean on your own Spirit to determine what you’ll journal. 

Writing is great, but for this exercise you will speak. Feel free to record them in your preferred app (voice notes is great) to document your journey and how you evolve through it. Here’s what you’ll do for 7 days:

After your morning hygiene routine, look at your reflection for 2-5 minutes in a clean mirror. Observe what feelings/thoughts come up for you, no judgement. From there, spend time writing or talking out loud about those feelings. This is your prompt. Close your session by speaking affirmations over yourself and your life in the mirror and go about your day.

*Favorable times for this reflective work would be under a full or waning moon; however, any time you feel called to do this will always be the right time.

Final Thoughts.

As always, treat yourself well. Jenifer’s wisdom teaches us that one of our greatest teachers are our chosen circumstances. If you’re reading this and you feel led to reevaluate your friendships, keep in mind that we teach people how to treat us. Like ourselves, we can’t hold them to a standard that never existed before. If they’re really your friends, give them a chance to show up for you, the same way Spirit is asking you to show up for yourself. 

In the words of Jenifer, “love yourself, so that love will not be a stranger when it comes.”