Did ‘Perfect Patty’ mess up?
Yes and no. Let’s get into the spiritual lessons rage has to teach us by way of Patricia’s iconic scene in Why Did I Get Married, Too.
At the start of Spring and Aries season, I feel it’s the appropriate time to have an honest discussion about the negative connotations around rage and what it’s really trying to tell us.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen this movie. Spirit has been leading me to have more honest conversations about anger and rage, so I felt this scene to be the most fitting to make my perspective relatable and make sense.
The first thing that sticks out to me the most in this scene was the breaking of the glass. If I remember correctly, this was filmed around the same time Michael Jackson had passed away. So, in this movie we are getting so many layers of Janet’s grief mixed with Patricia’s emotional breaking point expressing itself through a fit of rage real time.
In my spiritual practices, the breaking of glass is a good thing. It signifies a release of old patterns, negative energy, and the abrupt dismantling of systems we may hold that no longer serve us. When I was under some serious spiritual attacks a few years back (a story for another day), I couldn’t keep a glass in my house. This is mainly under the context of glass breaking on its own; however, Patricia is taking this into her own hands by breaking it herself.
Another observation I had was watching her go upstairs once the rage subsided. For me, when I dream of going up (elevator, stairs, plane, etc.), it is symbolic of spiritual elevation. The rage visited her and without worrying over the mess rage created, she left for solitude.
“THIS IS MY HOUSE, GET OUT!”
Such post-rage clarity and sort of a double entendre, referring to the reclamation of her home: the four walls, and her body. Removing all disturbances and debris from the homeostasis of the physical home and her vessel.
She is tired.
Patricia’s role as a therapist is significant here, also. Here she is, creating safe spaces for others to come to her for their problems all while armoring herself as the ‘under control’/’everything is ok’/’I’m fine’ Black woman.
Where ‘Perfect Patty’ messed up lies in the facade of perfection and control taking presedence over reality. Perfection takes you on a slippery slope that leaves us longing for everything to be ‘right’ so much that we are out of touch with our lived human experience.
Her hair and outfit? Perfectly tailored and in place. Ask her a question? She has the ‘perfect’ response. (Definitely calling out Virgo placements, here.) She has friends, a husband, and colleagues who look up to her, but only the version of herself she allows to be shown.
The constant state of living in her head and hiding her flaws quiets the call for embodiment and being fully present. This can be DANGEROUS, as we witnessed in the movie.
Disclaimer: I am not blaming her for the tragedies she went through, rather, bringing to the surface the types of conditions that can have serious potential to cause significant harm to ourselves and others.
Black women have been notoriously subservient to EVERYONE without reciporication for many years. As Taraji notes, it is dehumanizing (and reason why I’m not too fond of “Black Girl Magic” or the “Strong Black Woman” trope).
A lot of people want to villianize Patricia for her rage and the ultimate demise of her child and husband, but the villian was present long before Patricia got to that point.
The villian of silence.
In this context, silence was the mask Patricia wore daily. Sure, she had speaking engagements and wrote books. But, she was silent to her suffering and her pain.
I often wonder if her path to becoming a therapist was motivated by a subconscious desire to help herself. Think of how many clients she may have had in similar situations that she gave helpful direction for, but never took that direction for herself. I want to believe she desired to, but never felt empowered enough to embody it.
I have the same questions for you that I would ask to Patricia,
When were you silenced? What was so significant about that moment that you began utilizing silence instead of your voice?
See, rage is widely mishandled. Often feared due to its volatile nature. Patricia’s rage didn’t make her the villian. It was years of facades that no longer served her. The urgency to escape without give a damn how it happens. Her rage didn’t seek out to hurt anyone, it needed to prompt relief.
‘Perfect Patty’s’ found comfort in the familiar, even when the familiar was killing her. Her rage was the part of her Spirit that got tired of being silenced and demanded acknowledgment.
Rage is Ancestral. Since the beginning of my healing journey, I’ve done so much work trying to understand. To analyze my way through. What I am realizing in this season is that understanding is only half the battle.
I’m reminded of the time I went to Sedona and had my first experience with Great Mother Sekhmet through Kemetic Reiki about 2 years ago. I went in thinking I’d shed a few tears during session (I’m a crier) and honey, I was quickly mistaken.
It took less than a minute for me to feel her presence when we began the session. Immediate rush of heat, followed by familiar tears I’d cry in my own healing sessions. But, the tears were only the first layer. Tears just weren’t doing it. I felt this immense push and rush of energy that I never experienced before, and I fought it, trying to keep my composure. Trying to not disturb others. Trying to stay small. But it got to a point I couldn’t fight it any longer.
I let out the most guttural scream I never knew lived inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of reasons to be angry, but I never felt it this deep before.
The scream wasn’t just my hurt. It was generations of Black Women Ancestors who showed up in the world the same way I have that were TIRED. Tired of being silenced. Tired of performing in exchange for our safety. Tired of being used. Tired of being undervalued and underappreciated until someone needs you. TIRED.
So, I screamed. Screamed and cried until it hurt. I didn’t give a damn who saw me, I wanted this rage to open roads and really get to the belly of my pain so I could show up differently. I owed it to myself, and I still give thanks to Sekhmet for being the steady force with me that reminds me how powerful I truly am.
Before this session, I feared deities like Sekhmet because of her reputation for being a hot, rageful Neter (what we call Kemetic deities). However; she is where the inspiration for this article comes from. In the same way I feared her, I feared feeling rage. I only knew it rage by her aftermath, never giving myself permission to fully embody this emotion in a safe place so I could understand it better. And I hope more people take the time to be intentional about holding space for not just rage, but any uncomfortable emotion. Emotions are intelligent. They are portals to understanding yourself better.
I’ll close with this…
I had no intention of this post being another “how to”. What I hope you leave here with is the “why”. When we create space to explore the intelligence of EVERY emotion, we create space to discover the deepest parts of ourselves. Rage is the expression of many supressed emotions that shows up boldly to really put in your face that the old shit won’t work any longer.
With that, too much becomes dangerous. Rage is to be visited, not homed. Once it’s visited you, send her back to Mother Nature with gratitude and take her lessons with you. I hope you feel empowered to trust your emotions as well as yourself.
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