“…I’ll know I’m healed when I no longer have an emotional response to it.”
LORD was I wrong…well, not completely. Approaching any type of healing from such a binary point of view is extremely self-limiting. I thought if I could just find a way to turn off the feelings attached to those significant experiences and be able to speak on it with my poker face then that’s good enough. It’ll do.
If it triggers you, it needs your attention. Trigger points on the body exist at locations of very tender spots of hardened muscle tissue and can be pretty painful. Often times, those trigger points show up right around the chakra that holds the energetic signature of past experiences. Our emotions work the exact same way. Those trigger points lessen when we stretch, train, fuel, and REST properly. Think about that serious leg day at the gym and how sore you were from it. That pain was worth it when those jeans fit better and your glutes were sucking up bricks (lol!) Those few days of soreness trained you for more than just fitting in the dress. Eventually you got less sore and gained confidence in more ways than just the gym, right? (Or insert whatever exercise regimen fits this analogy).
Pain and pleasure both have their place. Pain is the messenger that tells us where to focus our attention. Often times we blame pain because it puts us in direct alignment with feeling. Pain makes you slow down. Pain makes you pause. But, like western medicine, the money maker lies in addressing the pain instead of what caused it. We’ve done the same with neglecting ourselves when the pain messenger reminds us of the very thing we seek to escape from.
One thing we cannot do for physical or emotional trigger points is fight them, or wish them into submission. We don’t relax sore muscles by just hoping it’ll go away. Time heals nothing you remain passive in healing from! Numbing may address the pain, but for damn sure not what caused it. You can fake the funk all you want, those knots aren’t going anywhere unless you release the resistance. Same goes for our healing. You can’t drink, eat, smoke, or sex it away. You’ve got to feel it. Sit in it. Own it. This can only happen when we give ourselves permission to be our own safe space, rather than at the bottom of a bottle or in someone else. Codependency and escapism do not work here, folks. If you’re not there yet, that’s also ok. The most valuable step you can take towards this is being radical in your pursuit of assistance.
Healing is not linear. With that, I am not blind to the times we are in. There’s just some days where we don’t have it altogether. Even with knowing and being self-aware, your body will always remind you where you need just a little more tlc. So when those triggers arise, true healing comes when we can acknowledge it as an area of focus. It doesn’t mean you failed. Doesn’t mean you’re not healing. In fact, it shows just how much you care and love yourself to not go numb and face your healing head on.
We know we’re healing when those past unfavorable experiences no longer dictate your life decisions as well as how you treat yourself and others. No one has the authority to put you in your ‘villain era’ unless you give them permission to. Treating people like shit because your (insert awful person) did you dirty isn’t doing a damn thing to the one who hurt you. Barricading yourself in your home because of what happened to you the last time you left is hurting no one but yourself. Who was the person who projected their issues and hurt onto you? Who’s out here catching strays from you repeating the same cycle?
We are the generation that heals. If you’re the descendant of the enslaved, we are carrying so much more than just our own personal traumas and unfavorable experiences. For generations, our Ancestors had to do what was necessary to survive. To keep the family together. With that, I’d like to take this time to acknowledge the Ancestors who chose sacrificed their voices for survival as much as those who sacrificed their freedom for ours.
Don’t forget to make room for pleasure. Healing can be some heavy work, it’s ok to enjoy moments of laughter and joy without making yourself feel guilty for it. It’s ok to still enjoy your life, travel, dance, make new memories…and continue healing. The Ancestors didn’t just pass down their traumas. They gave us light, hope, opportunity, rhythm, and the kind of love that feels like home. We honor this best by living our lives to the fullest so our descendants can feel empowered and equipped to do the same. Asé to the Ancestors.
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